I thought to myself that there's a General Chat Topic, so why not a General Humour Topic?
The idea of this topic is to be funny. You're not allowed to be serious, but don't be rude either. Now that I've opened it I can't think of anything funny.
since Drew is having some trouble finding some inspiration.... here's an oldtime favorite, probably you've read it somewhere else... anyway, here it is:
At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the lead singer) asks the audience for some quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his hands.
Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone....
"I want you to think about something. Every time I clap my hands,
a child in Africa dies."
A voice from the front of the audience yells out...."Then fookin stop clapping, ya arsehole!"
You Got To Love the Irish
cheers!! and keep it up!!
I did read it a long time ago, on the back page of the Sunday paper. Still funny though.
The band were having a crazy day in the studio. Larry, who had just gotten tired of all the fooling around said "That's it! You're all out of the band!" and stormed off. The next day the guys pleaded with him, and Larry said, "I let you back in if you can do one task for me. Go to the supermarket down the street, get three pieces of fruit apiece, and bring them back here for further instructions"
And they were off. Edge comes back with 3 grapes. Larry says, "If you can put all 3 grapes in your butt while keeping a straight face, I will let you back in. If not, you're outta here for good."
He starts to stick the grapes into his butt, but when he gets to the third one, he grimaces slightly. Larry cooly pointed at the door, and Edge walked off.
Adam came back with three apples. With no small effort, he manages to get the first two in without slipping. But as he picks up the third one, he starts laughing hysterically.
So Larry says, "You couldn't keep a straight face, so now you're out of the band for good. But I can't help but ask, why in the world were you laughing like that?"
He says "Because I see Bono is coming back with three watermelons!"
Hahaha, I read it some time ago in a Manic Street Preachers forum as a signature of a guy who happened to be a big U2 basher...
Q: How come U2 still hasn't found what they're looking for?
A: Because the streets have no names.
Q: Why did Bono fall off the stage?
A: He was too close to The Edge.
When Warren Zevon died, he was surprised to find himself in rock-n-roll heaven. St. Peter was showing him around, introducing him to all the departed rock stars. Visiting a fantastic music studio, he saw Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, John Bonham, Mama Cass, etc., etc.
Suddenly, with a flourish, Bono walked into the studio and joined in the jam.
Zevon gasped to St. Peter: 'I didn't know Bono died!'
'Oh no,' replied Peter 'That's God - he just THINKS he's Bono.'
Q: What kind of lawyers praise U2?
A: Pro Bono lawyers.
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