I just typed a far too long blabla post on my mobile...then saved it there and went online to put in here. I read your recent comments from the past few months, realizing I never stopped by to say thank you all for your kind words - again. That really means a lot to me, even if I seldom show it.
Thank you. Honestly.
That being said... I will post the blabla thingy in here now. I apologize, nothing important.
A random post... just skip it. You don't want to read it, boring stuff, just skip.
It is a f***ing curse to be ill with something. Not looking for sympathy or anything, just drowning in self-pity for the moment, forgive me.
The tour is getting nearer and everyone here is hyped up. Me, too.
But there's always two sides of the coin. During the day, find my occasional stupid comment anywhere in the topics. All is fine on the outside.
During the night, like now at 3am, I lay awake for hours, no sleep, and the pain is there. It all has turned down again the past months. Bones ache, permanently, from toes up the legs and from the back to neck and head, I feel it all, dull pain. Dizzyness during the day, making me stumble when walking, or making the football arena spin around me when I sit there watching S04 lose again, pretending I'm fine. Or a concert event, like Maiden short ago, or CdeBurgh coming up this
Wednesday. Fun on the outside, but so hard to get through for me as my brain doesn't really co-operate at times.
Heart functions have weakened, bringing me into alert situations within a second without warning. I have had my share of such experiences, or so I thought.
Other things, too, f*** Cushing, radiotherapy aftermath still in full swing, and oh yes, three brain surgeries.
Docs appointments all the time, but hey what can they do. Or who really cares anymore,I'm just one of many.
I lay here and cry tears of pain, my loyal beloved dog beside me being the only witness of my dealing with this in the dark of the night.
No worries, in a few hours the day starts anew, and I wear my mask of the boring die-hard fan again. Which I surely am.
But the strong person people seem to see in me, I am surely not. Not anymore.
Some U2 shows coming up for me in July. Happily looking forward to it, you know me. On the same note, dreading the physical demand the travels around the shows will have on me, as I already had during i&e. Too much in some regards.
No idea how to face what still lies ahead. But I don't talk about it, even when friends ask me, I pretend to be fine and walking on. That is me. Not sure if I like that about me. But that's it.
That's all. Told you to skip this. Off with the horns, on with the show.
That's all very sad to read I'm very much looking forward to meet you again in Dublin, but I honestly hadn't thought how phisically demanding are these trips for you. Bummer.
Well, I don't think you have to hide behind any mask - you are ill both at night and during the day, both at home and in the street, both alone and surrounded by people. You don't have to play Freddie Mercury on this. Family, friends, relatives, collegues... Every one has to face this with you, I don't think hiding behind a mask when meeting people and then aching and crying alone would do good to anybody... You and them, you and us, you and the world.
Of course this is just my 2 cents and I know nothing about life or overcoming tough situations like yours, so it might as well be utter and senseless crap to someone else.
This topic fell into a sweet slumber, and that was good.
But today is anniversary day. Time for A Celebration
Today, 10 years ago, I got the diagnosis. On this day, 2011-02-22, my life changed forever.
Back then, along the way, the doctors hesitated to tell me how much time I'd have left to live. Experiences with cases like mine had an expected time of survival of maximum 2 years.
Look at me now! Look at what's been going on ever since. Ups and downs for sure, but tours and travels and fan meetings as well. Things I'd put off for later - I just faced them. Did it. Been there, done that, crossed the rope bridge, climbed the cliffs, dared to take the next step. Still here!! I won't let the bastards grind me down. It's a struggle each and every day, no doubt. The thing inside my head still has me in a tight grip, and that won't ever change again. My body is retarded and my soul is wrecked.
But you, my dear friends, are always by my side. Always. And I know that won't ever change again, too. You carry me along. After all this time. After 10 long years. Thank you for your time, your patience, and your love.
Thy former Prom Queen tells thee to keep dreaming out loud. Live your life. Believe in yourself. Make the most of your time. It's so worth it. Here's to life! Sláinte
10 years?! Wow. You’ve done an incredible job fighting Kirsten and whenever we hear from you it’s always done with positivity. It was great to finally cross paths on tour and I hope that another meeting won’t be too far off!
Keep walking on, here’s to the next 10 years, our eternal Prom Queen!